he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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