I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
two words: eviction party
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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