I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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