You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
