Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
God I need to hump something, right now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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