recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
