Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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