eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
operation harelip BJ is a go
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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