Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
