If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
