I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize