Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
