Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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