By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
