Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
