Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
