I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
