Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
