I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
