i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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