genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
