I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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