I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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