There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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