I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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