i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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