Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize