He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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