my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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