I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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