I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
