hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
