Porn is love you can see.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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