I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
