You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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