We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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