She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
