i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
