Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
