i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
