I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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