What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
