You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
