speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think my moral compass just broke
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
