I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
being pregnant is like rehab
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
