Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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