OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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