Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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