apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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