i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
