hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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