Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
