is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
