I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize