grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
