Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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