Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
