It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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