i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
