Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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