i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
either way he was missing a nipple.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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