The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
