shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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