i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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