either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
