I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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