Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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