thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
