found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
