my vag is so smooth its legendary
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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