1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
