I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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