Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
