What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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